Spencer

When Spencer was five years old it was a hard time in their house. He was having lots of trouble with behavior and his brother was having non stop seizures. His mom was struggling and crying a lot so we made a change. For eight months Spencer stayed full time with his poppa and me. He would come into the Falls and go to kindergarten and spend some time with his mom and go home with me and be with me on weekends. It was a good period of time for him and seemed to help with things going on in his life. I loved having him with me and I think that is why we are so tuned into each other. He is such a special little guy and I love his zest for life.

My boy Spencer

Spencer is so very special to me. He has spent many weekends with me and I am so grateful for the time we have had together. I love the way he is so smart and figures out things. It took him a while to understand when I when tease him and tell him "I am jerking your chain" After a while he got it and sometimes will say to me
"Gramma I am jerking your chain" when he is teasing me and I don't get it right away.
There is not anything in the world I would not do for both of my boys. They are precious to me.

It just does not make sense to me

Things seemed to be going so well but for some odd reason after being allowed to take the boys with me last week for bowling I am not allowed to take them to church this week? I have been informed that if they are to go that Johnny must pick them up and transport them? This didn't make sense before and it really does not make sense now.

Feels strange when this is one way and can change another time. I guess I just need to deal with this. I have mulled over in my mind leaving this area and this just makes me think that these circumstances will lead to making this step a future possibility.

Grateful for Jeffrey and his relationship with me.

I am grateful that Jeffrey feels like he can talk to me and not hold back. He does not feel judged by me and knows I am not gonna yell at him for his feelings and what he does. I get a little frustrated that he has to get away from his family because he feels like they are listening in on him and he cannot speak freely. I know he loves his Maggie and this is a painful time for him but this is a way for him and Maggie to know if they are suppose to be together. If they see other people and still spend time together it will give them a better grasp on what is right for them.

Life seems a mess

I was over to see my boys this past week. It was so nice to see them. The visit was strange in the fact that it had been a few weeks since I had seen them and their mom was very cold and distant. No idea how to get thru that wall-still don't understand why  she is being that way with her mom. Families need to support each other even when they don't agree with each other in all of their choices.

It always baffles me how someone can take a few things they don't like and throw away all the hundreds of positive things that should be what makes us family like:

Being there time and time again when the going gets tuff

Supporting each other even if we don't agree with each other.

Accepting each other as we are and not what we want them to be.

I don't and never will understand how people that are suppose to love each other can
say and do things that are so hurtful and hateful.

I have always been there for my family and God willing I will continue to be able to reach out and do that in the future. Lord I need your help here.

one way streets

I have not visited the boys or even called for a couple of weeks. I was hoping to hear from them and really hoping that someone would  call me. I did hear from Spencer the other day -he got his report card and has earned $45.00 which I will pay him next week. Feeling discouraged that my relationship with this part of my family is so mixed up and strained and it seems like if we talk it is usually me that makes that happend.. At least this is the way it seems to me at this time. I am thinking that if I do move away they may not really miss me all that much. It makes me very sad and hurt but I will deal with this because I love my family and families don't hurt each other on purpose.

I am glad I am not 16 anymore

I watch the roller coaster that my grandson Jeffrey rides every day.  It is so hard to be 16 and in love.  My hope for Jeffrey and Maggie is that they just slow down and enjoy life every day.  It is so complicated and I know from life experience that we all feel very different at 16 then we do at 20, 30, 40 and 50 and see things very different at each of these points in our life.  It is so important to make choices after lots of praying, thinking and just stepping back to look at our situation.  It is also very important to seek the counsel of those we love who will love us enough to tell us the truth even when it hurts.  I am taking pizza over to visit with the boys on Thursday and am so looking forward to it.  It makes me sad because they family has been so stressed and strained and we will rebuild with God's help.